i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
