Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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