Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
