Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
