Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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