So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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