I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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