she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
And then he peed in my hair
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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