I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
