Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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