this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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