What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
