I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
