yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
