Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
