So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
