Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
