he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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