i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
