It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
