the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
