I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
