I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
