the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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