Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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