omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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