Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
