We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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