Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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