Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
