May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
