I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
