I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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