im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
