I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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