but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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