Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
