You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
