I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
