eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
MIDGETS
????
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
