I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
