Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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