I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
