Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
