sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
