I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
