i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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