even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
