Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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