How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
